The Wrath Of Red
by theenix
Summary: Even if I couldn’t think of any way to get back at Potter, I knew someone who did. Oh he shall feel the wrath of the Evil Redhead and she shall strike mighty.' After making Lily miss her last sorting at Hogwarts, Lily vows to get her revenge.
1. Of Potter's and FoodFights

** The Wrath of Red**

**Of Potters,** **Food-Fights and Elderly Paintings **

An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind"

-Gandhi

James Potter will receive a slow and painful disembowelment by means of a blunt spork. Why would I, Lily Evans, (5th & 6th year girl Gryffindor prefect and now Head Girl at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry), could even contemplate the murder of a fellow student – let alone new colleague Head Boy?

Well the answer is simple. James-I'm-Too-Darn-Hot-For-These-Shorts-Come-Help-Me-Take-Them-Off-Please-Lily has made me wreck my perfect school record by being late for the last first year sorting I will i EVER /i witness. He kicked me out of my own carriage, ensuring there were absolutely none left for me to hitch a ride on which meant I had to walk all the way from Hogsmeade Station (it's a long way…mostly uphill) IN THE POURING RAIN.

Now my new shoes are squelchy.

In the idyllic situation, where I wasn't standing at the doors of the Great Hall with every pair of eyes staring at me as if I'd grown green tentacles and if my mum was rich and influential, I'd phone her and bawl my eyes out, telling her how James Potter has ruined my life and attempt to though a tantrum until she somehow manages to get him expelled and drain his confidence until he is nothing but an insignificant piece of congealed goo in the bottom of a cauldron. But hey life's a bitch…and my shoes are wrecked.

"Ah Miss Evans, how nice of you to finally join us." Dumbledore said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye "The first years have already been sorted. I presume there is a reason for your tardiness? Please take a seat at the Gryffindor table."

I mumbled a quick sorry, fully aware my profoundly crimson face was clashing horribly with my dark red hair.

Making my way to the stool at the other end of the hall, I spotted Potter and his groupies sitting on the side of the table I was about to walk past. As I past them, I felt my foot catch on something and suddenly I was flying towards the floor.

Screaming, I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the stone floor to make its impact but it never came. Instead, I felt a pair of strong arms tighten around my waist.

Slowly I shifted to look at the face of my saviour and found I was staring into the eyes of Remus Lupin.

"You alright there Lily?" he whispered, still protectively holding onto my waist.

I nodded, grinning as I saw his eyes dart down to my lips.

"My saviour!" I cried, hugging him tightly, pretending to wipe a tear from my eye, "You art my Romeo. Oh Romeo, how I've missed thee!"

Remus rolled his eyes and pulled me up so I was sitting next to him. He was used to my dramatics and awful adaptations of Shakespeare.

"Had a nice summer then?" I asked, munching into a slice of toast.

"Aye, you?" he replied, prolonging the 'aye' so it sounded more like 'aaaaye". How very strange.

"'Twas okay. Can't complain really."

Potter was red in the face and reminded me of a steam engine which was about to spontaneously combust.

After a few minutes of happily chatting away with Remus (blatantly ignoring Black, Potter and Pettigrew as troubled seemed to follow where ever they trailed) Potter did combust.

"Your such a traitor Lupin!" he cried randomly, pointing an accusing finger at Remus who looked completely and utterly flabbergasted, "You know how much I love Lily! You're supposed to follow the plan! Sirius trips her up and then I catch her. NOT YOU!"

James then stomped one foot on the ground like a child and ran out of the Great Hall yelling odd things over his shoulder like…"The rainbow fairies will eat you Lupin." And "Watch out for the giant marshmallows, they're coming to get yooou."

Remus looked shocked and terribly frightened.

I shook my head in disbelief. Strange boy.

"Y'know if you had just agreed to go on a date with him, you wouldn't have wrecked your shoes." Remus said, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Oh Remus…Remus, Remus, Remus." I said shaking my head slowly. "You know that I can think of nothing worse then being one of Potters weekly arm candy. Arrogant, good for nothing, toad-like scum." I muttered the last part under my breath as Remus chuckled.

"Ah Lils, he's in luurve with you! JAMES POTTER LURVES LILY EVANS" Remus yelled across the Great Hall. Everyone immediately silenced (all fully aware of my short temper when it came to discussing Potter) except Dumbledore, who giggled slightly (yes…giggled, like a 6-year old school girl with pig tails tied with red ribbons).

I grinned evilly at Remus, and flicked a pea in his face. He was the second of only two people on the planet who could get away with screaming absurdities such as that and not have me attempting to gorge their eyeballs out.

"Remmy? Please help me prank Potter." I whined quietly.

He grinned evilly back, just as I had done and shook his head. I pulled a 'puppy-dog' face at him but he just laughed and turned to Sirius and Peter who ducked their heads together…prank planning.

Well Remus ol' boy, I can plan a prank all by my lonesome…muwhaha...ha.

I looked around the Great Hall to see Marissa Jamieson (my second arch nemesis…first being Potter and Black conjoined) was sitting at the Hufflepuff table punching her right fist slowly into her left hand and shook her head in my direction as if to say, "Evans you piece of crap, your going down!"

After her little display of misplaced affection, I was suddenly very aware of the jealous female eyes staring back at me. Ah crap. I was head girl and half the school's population hated me for reasons I wouldn't even dare contemplate. Eh, whatever, I'm sure I'll get over it.

I softly banged my forehead on the table in front of me, only to immediately regret it as the top half of my head my head was now covered in mashed potato and baked beans. What a fantabolus start to the new academic year.

"Oi Evans, why is there mashed potato and baked beans on your head?" Black asked stupidly before literally throwing food into his gullet.

"Because it's the new raging high street fashion." I replied sarcastically.

"Really?!" Black said gasping at this newfound information, "well in that case I better not stay behind on the trend."

And then he went and tipped the Shepard's pie onto unsuspecting Pettigrew who shrieked as some mince slid down his neck and into his shirt.

Black started laughing hysterically before picking up a plate of chocolate cake and squashing it into Remus' face. Remus looked thoughtful for a moment, his thumb and forefinger softly stroking his chin, before grabbing a couple of ice cubes and dropping them down Black's shirt. Black then started screaming and started hopping up and down until he could no longer face the embarrassment and ran out the Great Hall yelling "FOOD FIGHT!"

For a moment, there was absolute silence, like the calm before a storm until some pathetic first year threw pie into some poor 5th years chest. The look on both their faces could only say one thing. This meant war.

Suddenly people started screaming and laughing and throwing and ducking and hiding.

Being the intelligent 7th year I am, I put up a defensive charm around myself and carried on eating.

---

After the professors had yelled and served out detention to most people in the Hall, I was ordered to find my common room (reserved for the Head's only…this meant not having to wake at 4 in the morning in order to use the hot water or having Ellie McToofy borrowing my clothes and forgetting to return them).

I could have jumped and whooped with joy. But then suddenly a realisation hit me. Well actually two realisation's, number 1: I had no idea where the common room was, and 2: I had to share with Potter.

I ended up wandering the corridors all-alone for about half an hour until I was bright enough to ask a portrait if they knew where I was supposed to be heading.

"Ah! Yes, the Head's common room. In the year 1753 I was the school head's common room portrait. Fine, upstanding people they both became. Hated each others intestines mind. Agnes Hubert and Wallace Montgomery. Both had impeccable manners, but Wallace had the most awful breath, once I heard Agnes talking about him, saying he brought a young lady into the common room late one night! Imagine the outcry that created! He was expelled from school for ruining a young girl's innocence. It just wasn't done in those times! Imagine the shame it brought for me!" the portrait of the elderly gentleman with an amazingly large grey afro burst into hysterical tears at this point, "I was never allowed to be a common room portrait again. Unreliable, they called me. i Unre-bloody-liable /i "

Out of reflex, I patted the paintings shoulder (or attempted to, he is a painting after all) as it carried on snuffling and explaining its dull existence since then.

"Well," I said, cutting him off when he was in the middle of talking about the year they allowed toads to be accepted into Hogwarts, and in his opinion, how it should be fashionable to wear lurid pink poofy sleeves. "If you show me where the common room is, I could persuade Dumbledore to have you moved to be a password portrait once more."

The painting looked at me in shock, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"Why, miss. Evans you really are an angel sent from heaven." And with that the old portrait started running in the direction she had come until we finally came to a portrait of James and myself. We were standing far apart, my nose stuck in the air and my arms crossed.

"Well miss. Evans it has been a pleasure. I do hope I will see you again in the future. Good day to you."

I looked at my portrait and it looked at me.

"Um, hello? Can I come in?" I asked it. It was strange to be talking to a painting of myself.

"Password?" I (me as in the painting) said.

"Err…"

"Red-head goddess." The painting James whispered, receiving a slap from painting me. I smiled triumphantly as I watched painting James cower in fear.

--

Once inside I jumped onto the plush sofa, squealing in glee.

"Oof." Something said. I looked below me and saw I had jumped onto James.

"Geez Evans I knew you wanted me, just don't be too keen." He said rubbing his hip.

I stuck out my tongue as I thought of a witty comeback, but only completely inappropriate corny chat up lines sprung to mind (did it hurt when you fell from heaven? You must be tired; you've been running through my mind all night. Your parents must be thieves, since they stole the stars and put them in your eyes. Make you want to gag much? Yes.)

Sighing in defeat, I walked to the door which had 'Lily Evans' inscribed into a nameplate and flung my self onto my new bed.

Even if I couldn't think of any way to get back at Potter, I knew someone who did. Oh he shall feel the wrath of the Evil Redhead and she shall strike mighty.


	2. Of Best Friends and PlansInAction

**Of Owls, Best Friends and Plans in Action **

**Don't get mad, get even.**

Robert F. Kennedy

"Oi Red!" I heard as I sat munching on cornflakes at the Gryffindor table the next morning.

I laughed at the old nickname, and swiveled around on the bench to see a very disheveled looking Libby running along the gaps between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables.

"Nice hair." I commented, waving at her terrible bed head that looked as though it had matted together in some parts.

She rolled her eyes, and grabbed a croissant off my plate.

"Oi!" I exclaimed, but Libby just ruffled my hair, taking no notice as I tried to snatch the croissant out of her hand.

"Where were you last night?" I asked, eventually realizing she wasn't giving my croissant back.

"Aw, was ickle Red Evans worried? – "

"Quit with the sarcasm." I mumbled in the middle of what she was trying to say, but once again she ignored me.

"I went straight to the dorms and scoffed pumpkin pastries all night, couldn't be bothered to watch the first years get sorted."

We ate in silence for a few moments before Libby decided to break the peace.

"Soo…"

"Uh huh?" I replied slowly, looking directly at her. The mischievous glint in her eye made me guess right away what she was going to say.

"Sharing a dorm with Potter eh?"

"_Not_ a dorm." I muttered, "Just a common room and a bath room. It's horrible! He's such a conceited little toad and he just makes me want to spe-"

"Don't need a visual when I'm eating, thanks." She said, interrupting me from my minutely rant about Potter.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." She looked thoughtful for a while and I was momentarily shocked but then: "Reeeed?" She whined, "Pretty pwease with a massive cherry and lots and lots of chocolate chips and marshmallows on top, can I camp in your dorm tonight"

I laughed, biting into a new croissant, "No." I said simply.

"But you have _no_idea how horrible it is without you, in a dorm filled with air head bimbos with their heads so far stuck up their ar-"

"I get it!" I cried before she continued, "Eating, remember?"

She grinned and punched the air triumphantly. "Knew you'd understand precious gem of a Lily flower, how your beauty grows in each morning light, and – "

"That's my Lily flower you're talking to, stop flirting with her."

I groaned as I heard Potter behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders, which I slapped off immediately, but he continued, "Y'know Kips, you would be the last person I would ever imagine to become a lesbian. Although now I think about it, you've never kept a boyfriend for more then 3 weeks - " Libby interrupted saying it was longer then he had ever had a girlfriend, but Potter didn't seem to hear her, and carried on " – and you're the only girl who plays quidditch at this school and you hang out with Lily way to often, and anyone who sees her rapturous beauty is instantly blown away by it."

Libby started to have a strange coughing fit when he mentioned 'rapturous beauty', whereas I could feel my whole face becoming a ghastly shade of crimson, from my chin to the roots of my hair.

"Piss off Potter." I growled as he sat down next to me, forcing a group of 2nd years to be squished along, each grumbling about stuck up seventh years and how they think they own the school.

When James' didn't move, I nudged Kips (aka Libby) as I gathered my belongings, and we both set off out the hall to out first lesson on the year.

--

"You know, I pity him." Kips said when she was laying on a camping mattress in my dorm, "it must be horrible to be so deeply infatuated with a girl but to have her completely hate your guts."

"Don't tell me you think I should give him a chance? Ooh, no. I hate him and his irritating, toad like resemblance! And last night…I did tell you about what he did last night didn't I? At the welcoming feast?" Libby nodded her head and rolled her eyes, "Well anyway, how can he not expect me to hate him after that? I was absolutely mortified!"

I took a deep breath, attempting to cool the racing amount of hatred coursing though my veins.

"I don't mean date him. I mean, get him back." I looked down at Kips when she said this, her face alight with a mischievous gleam, she also seemed to be smiling demonically which I have to say, was slightly creepy.

"Get him back…how exactly?"

"He's totally and completely and utterly, head over nuts in love with you."

I clapped my hands sarcastically slowly, but Kips didn't look in the least bit phased.

"So…use it to your advantage!" she cried, jumping up so she was standing on her camping mattress. She did a sort of victory dance and kept hollering "whoop, whoop, whoop!"

"I do worry for your sanity. It seems to be slipping at every passing day…" I said slowly shaking my head as she attempted to pole dance on one of the wooden posters of my bed. "I am officially scarred for life." I mumbled covering my head with my blankets.

"Oi! Red, I haven't finished yet!" she complained as she tucked her self back into the camping bed, "its war."

I looked at her as she bit her lip.

"Well, prank the pranksters back…you're a wiz at potions, right? I'm sure there's some sort of potion, which would rid them of their gnoolies and then play innocent when you're interrogated. "

"Rid them of their - wait what did you call them? 'Gnoolies?' that has to be the most random word ever…"

She tutted and said, "Well if you don't want to say gnoolies, just say your going to make their shoes shrink, and you know what they say, big shoes, big – "

"Okay! Fine, I'll start looking for a potion tomorrow."

Kips clapped her hands excitedly and exclaimed, "I've corrupted Red! Halleluiah."

I laughed at her over enthusiasm.

"Ooh Potter, you're going to regret messing with Kips and Red." I muttered, blowing my hair out of my face as I lay down to sleep.

--

Authors note: Hmm...i do hope you all liked. I know Lily is slightly OOC, but I mean, SHE'S BORING if she's, y'know, studious and up her self, so neh. Well, let me know what you think!! xD ReviewReviewReview! Haha. THANK YOU FOR READING!


	3. Of Potions and Cross Words

**Of Charms, Crosswords and Hot Professors **

**Women do most delight in revenge.**

**-Sir Thomas Browne**

"Have you found that book yet?" Libby whined for the 8th time that hour.

We were both sitting in the dusty library, long after curfew, but being the head girl, I had made an excuse for us both.

I groaned and slapped my hand down on the table, "For Merlin's sake, no! Go find that new hot professor to chat up or something!"

Kips laughed nervously, wincing as she looked over my shoulder. I sighed and said, "Pretending he's there isn't going to make me look through these books any faster. I'll just slap you for scaring me." I gestured to a mountainous pile of books stacked in front of us. They seemed to sway slightly, threatening to fall.

Libby scrunched her eyes shut and bit her lip.

"Hot, Miss. Evans? I am the only new professor this year. Surly you are not referring to me?" I heard a voice say behind me. I could hear the smirk.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping I'd wake up from this dream, but alas, after 30 seconds there was an impatient tap of a foot from behind me.

I turned around in my chair, with a large, fake cheesy smile on my face.

"Why hello Professor! Nice night, eh?" I said, obviously checking out the 25year old professor.

Libby nudged me and whispered, "Damn. He's so hot, he's going to burn."

I chocked back a giggle as Professor Cargy shook his dark shaggy blonde hair to get it out of his eyes and looked suspiciously at both Kips and I.

I bit my lip cheekily and let my eyes wander down his body. He chuckled lightly as he caught my eyes, making me blush profoundly.

"I'm guessing the head girl and her friend have a decent excuse as to why they are out of bed – " Professor Cargy checked his watch, "- 2 hours after curfew?"

I was about to act all bashful, but Libby beat me to it.

"We're so sorry sir! Well, You see James Potter is such a prat to poor Lily here. She's done nothing to deserve his undying attention and she hates how he has turned all girls _and_ guys away from her. So you see, we are planning our revenge."

I nodded sincerely, pretending to wipe a non-existent tear from my eye. Professor Cargy laughed and slowly nodded his head.

"I understand girls. Those boys can be quite a handful." He looked at the large pile of books on the table, his clear blue eyes stopping at one, which entitled _Transfiguration. Many easy spells, including the classic, sausage to a bun._ "Uh, the book you guys want is over there." He finished, pointing at a large dusty bookshelf behind Kips and I. With a mischievous glance in Libby's direction he sauntered out of the library.

Kips and I sat in silence for a moment, just contemplating his almighty hotness.

Eventually Libby looked at me.

"If he wasn't a teacher, I would so do him." She muttered, standing up and walking towards the bookshelf he had pointed at.

--

Libby and I sat in an old, unused charms classroom, slaving over a bubbling hot caldron.

"Phew, I'm sweating like a pig." Kips murmured, while frantically attempting to cut the miniscule rat droppings into 'equal, precise lengths'.

I laughed slightly as I poured in the vanilla food flavoring ("in a sex change potion?" Libby had said doubtfully when we read the ingredients) into the caldron.

"How long is this potion going to last?" Kips asked looking over my shoulder at the yellowing parchment of the book.

"No less then 24hours. Depends how much strawberry lip gloss we add." I answered, now squeezing drops of liquefied cat whiskers into the bubbling greenness.

"Add the whole tube then." Libby grumbled as she lay down on the cold stone floor, sprawling herself into a strangely awkward shape.

"I give up." She said, blowing some hair out her face.

"We've only been working for 8 and a half minutes! You have the concentration of a gnat with chicken pocks."

"Uh huh. And how would you know what the attention span of a gnat with chicken pocks is?" Libby replied, sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and said, "I read it in_ The Concentration Spans of Insects with Chicken Pocks_ you should read it sometime. Its actually very interesting."

"Your such a freak."

"Takes one to know one." I replied childishly.

"Ah, but everyone knows I only hang with you because I pity you. Plus you're good for homework."

I laughed and nudged her lightly in the stomach with my foot.

"Whatever you say Libanoui Isabella Maria Antoinette O'Leary."

She gasped and jumped up, covering my mouth with her hand.

"How did you find out my whole name?" Libby asked.

"I found your birth certificate in a pile of photos while your mum was showing me all those embarrassing fat baby photos of you." I replied, smirking as she looked at me in horror.

"Ooh, that woman is going to wake up one morning and find all her cosmetics incinerated."

I gasped in mock shock, "You wouldn't! Not to your dear old mum?"

Libby grinned and shook her head.

"Nah. Poor woman would die of a heart attack if she had no makeup left."

I laughed and turned back to the potion, adding dollops of sticky, glittery, strawberry flavored lip-gloss.

"There. Done. It should last between 54 and 76 hours when its been brewed for a few days. Not long to wait." I said evilly.

--

Two days later, Libby and I were once again sat in the stuffy classroom, which smelt distinctly of genetically modified strawberries, next to the brewing cauldron, adding a few finishing touches.

"Voila!" Libby said, punching the air in content, "I'm a genius!"

I looked at her in pity. She held a fluorescent green highlighter and a muggle crossword puzzle. She had just figured out a four lettered word for 'a group of animals which are commonly found in water.'

Fish.

I had worked it out before I even looked at the question. Well, there was a large illustration with a clown fish pointing at it.

"Anyway…moving on." I muttered quietly, stirring the potion in an anti clockwise direction.

After a few more moments, the potion started turning a delightfully disgusting hot pink.

"Finished!" I cried gleefully.

Libby looked up quickly, "Phase one of Kept the Name, Made the Change, complete."

"Huh?" I asked, scrunching up my nose in an attempt to figure out what she meant.

"Oh!" I said, grinning as it finally clicked, "I like!" we did a high five and Libby attempted to do a victory dance (failed miserably) whilst I decanted the potion into vials.

Authors comment: hmm...bit of a shoddy chapter...buut, please review! criticism welcome!!


	4. Of Rule braking, Skirts and Tight Shirts

**Of Potions, rule breaking, skirts and tight shirts**

"**Revenge is sweet and not fattening"**

**-Alfred Hitchcock**

I let out an irritated scream and stomped one foot moodily on the ground while Libby leisurely continued walking, dragging her fingers across the portraits she passed.

I jogged to catch up with her, but she paid me no attention.

"Kips! It's no use! We can't find the kitchens!" I cried, throwing my hands up in despair.

Libby continued to hum and sway her shoulders casually to the rhythm. She wasn't the slightest bit interested.

I groaned in frustration and grumpily sat on the floor, crossing my arms and legs. At this, Kips turned around and rolled her eyes.

"Lily, you really are pathetic." And she carried on walking.

I waited until Kips was about five portraits ahead before lying on my stomach and resting my chin on my hands. Suddenly, a portrait Libby had just walked past was flung open, sending Kips flying backwards. She landed with a dull thump on her backside.

"Found it!" She cried gleefully, attempting to clamber into the hole in the wall whilst trying to keep her pathetically short skirt (which just seemed to cover her butt cheeks) from riding up any higher.

"Slag." I muttered when I reached her. I pushed her back and she fell forwards into the kitchen. She stood up again and turned to face me, grinning like a hyena.

"At least I can wear short skirts." Came her feeble reply.

I gasped mockingly and attempted to pull my knee length skirt lower.

"Its not my fault I have my great aunt Dorothy's thunder thighs." I murmured.

Libby just grinned again and slapped my thighs when I had stumbled into the kitchen, making them wobble oh so slightly.

"Come running with me, loose that excess flab." Kips said, now pinching my waistline. I slapped her hand away and mumbled about how no normal person would dream of running for leisure.

She shrugged and turned around into a small dining area with one table, a few chairs and a fireplace.

I screamed slightly as a small grey-ish creature scampered past me. Kips looked unperturbed as the small...thing stood before us with its large tennis ball sized eyes gazing at us with awe.

"How can Tillie help you misses?" the small odd looking creature asked, tugging nervously at a filthy gray pillow case with three holes for a head and two arms.

"What thehell was that?" I asked under my breath after Kips had given it a long list of food.

Kips rolled her perfectly made-up eyes.

"A house-elf you twit." She answered, swaggering towards the rickety looking table with uncomfortable looking chairs situated around it, "Who else do you think makes our bed, cleans our clothes, tidies our dorm and cooks our meals?" she asked skeptically.

"Ur, I just thought well, I don't know! Paid illegal aliens or something! These things are paid right?"

Libby shook her head as a different house-elf carried a tray above its head, almost tripping on the uneven cobbled floor.

I gasped and went to help the poor thing, but once I grabbed the tray, it looked mortally offended and scampered off, bawling its eyes out.

I stared at it in shock and placed the tray carefully on the table. Kips immediately grabbed a donut and started munching. I, on the other hand walked in the direction of the crying house elf, and came to a small door that reached just above my waistline. I opened it cautiously and shrieked at the sight of 80 or so house-elves slaving away preparing food.

The room was roughly the size of the Great Hall, with stoves and cooling compartments lining the walls whilst four long tables stood majestically in the centre of the large room.

I checked my watch and noticed there was only five minutes until dinnertime. I grinned and crawled though the small door.

I stood up straight, as another elf rushed passed me, placing mashed potatoes on what I presumed was the Hufflepuff table.

I looked around the room once more, and then cried out in shock as a very small elf stood with a glass of pumpkin juice held out for me.

I thanked it kindly and then asked, "Do you by any chance know which table is the Gryffindor table?"

The small elf nodded and pointed at one, which had suddenly turned red.

"Oh! Thank you!" I said, patting it on its small head patronizingly.

"It's okay miss! Bumkin loves helping the students miss, because Bumkin likes the socks that the silly children forget to put away." Bumkin grinned and then lifted a toga-like sheet, which was wrapped around his waist slightly so I got a view of his grotesque purple and fluorescent green polka dotted fluffy socks that seemed to be emitting a greenish smoke of stink. I smiled encouragingly.

"Do you know James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin?" I asked, a merciless plan forming like a bubble in my head.

"Oh yes! Bumkin knows the misters very well indeed! They are Bumkins favourite visitors!" Bumkin exclaimed enthusiastically, whilst clapping his hands and jumping on the spot.

I nodded, smiling gleefully and handed Bumkin a small vial of sparkly purple liquid.

"This is a very special potion which will enhance their literacy. The next time they come for food, do you think you could put 9 drops in each of their drinks? But make sure they don't know, otherwise they may get into trouble." I said smoothly, attempting to look sincere.

Bumkin nodded and tucked the vial into a fold of his toga.

"Bumkin will make sure that Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black get this. They will be so happy that they is smarter!"

I thanked the small creature graciously and made my way back though the kitchen, which had calmed slightly from the ferocious cooking that, had taken place not too long ago, and crawled through the small door to find Kips gone.

"Stupid cow." I muttered as I climbed through the fruit portrait. As I jumped down, my skirt got caught on the corner of the portrait. I screamed slightly and over balanced, landing on the floor with my arms flaying out in front of me.

"Argh!" I groaned as I sat up, rubbing a now grazed knee. Hearing hysterical laughter behind me, I spun around on my bottom to face the portrait of the fruit.

Just before the portrait snapped shut, I saw the smirking face of Potter and Black and I heard one shout, "Nice knickers Evans!"

O' you will get what's coming to you, I thought, grinning maliciously as I pushed myself up off the floor and skipped along to find Libby.


End file.
